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2009-12-02 |
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An Expensive Quizzical Instrument - 2/12/9 |
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By: T Viddy |
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Yo yo yo
Quiz in effect. Last week's answers? All yours for just fiddy cent. (Has anyone told him there's actually a plural on "cent" yet? I suppose not, given that his claim to fame is that he was "shot nine time".) Oh well. Fags will be fags (they're virtually known for it). Time for the answers...
Kim Jong-Il's BMX bike gang is called The Danger Factory. I will give Midge a point for "The Radik Ils". I will give an extra point in perpetuity to anyone who bothers to read Achewood despite its bad name & artwork and the fact that Tom Vaughan has recommended it.
The only national flag with an inscription belongs to Saudi Arabia. The inscription, written in the ornate "Thuluth" script, reads "Holy shit, we are so FUCKING LUCKY! Of course admitting that would mean abandoning the idea of a divine justification to do whatever we want, so that aint happening! Kind of like America! Ha ha! Wheeeeee!" Sorry, I seem to have gotten my flags mixed up. It actually reads, "There is no god but Allah. Muhammad is the messenger of Allah. Teatowels 4 life." So two points to Midge there.
OK, lastly the man they call Tiger "Tiger" Woods scored $AUS 3,300,000 care of the Victorian taxpayer to fly over here and take a gentle stroll around a well-watered lawn. Normally this would piss me off, but for some reason I have a feeling that 2010 could be The Year of The Tiger Backlash, so I will leave it to the fates to take action. A point to Josh.
So, young Miss Midge takes the number one spot this week by an impressive margin, swaggering home with the Golden Tickle Me Elmo all to himself. NICE WORK HOMBRE. The Esteemed Panel of Quiz Judges had a tough time this week with a good all-round performance, but in the end they gave it to Ben Gillies for this little number:
Please tell me your brand new catchphrase for the character:
A- the iinet guy
B- Muffler King - King of Mufflers!
C- The Breast Cancer Awareness Fairy
A- "iinet, be thankful we don't have that fucking dodo"
B- "come on down to muff city".
C-"I'm here to help ladies. Well if you're hot".
Good work dude, keep em coming. OK, this week's prizes were dumped into the loading dock of the Quiz Offices by a bunch of militant lesbian feminists calling themselves the Tony Abbott Castration Alliance. Frankly I think they may have had the wrong address but I was too scared to say anything.
Silver:
The largest second-hand collection of scissors, boltcutters, pinking shears, secateurs, tin snips, stainless steel clippers and garden shears I've ever seen. Quite useful for giving yourself a crew cut I suppose.
Gold:
A lot like Silver, provided you substitute "Scissors" for "electrically-enhanced feminine pleasure-giving apparatus".
And now, Marjorie, if you'd just unhook yourself from the central grid there and pass me the questions, please...
1.
Would you rather have a male or female boss?
2.
Are creative artists generally more interesting when they're unhappy?
3.
Real question one:
According to famous UK writer Kingsley Amis, every beer ad ever made could be effectively reduced to a seven word slogan. I'll give a point for the closest answer...
4.
If you could only eat one colour of food forever, what would it be?
5.
What's the dumbest manufactured item ever which can easily be replaced by either your finger or any other object you own:
A- The paperweight
B- The bookmark
C- The letter opener
D- Other
6.
Real question two:
Does anyone know the official state motto of Tasmania? OK, let me put it like this - I'll give you a point for the best completely fake official state motto of Tasmania...
7.
What are the three tricks to "Can't Fail" champagne comedy success...
1-
2-
3-
8.
What's the dumbest movie line ever that people actually remember and say? (I vote for Scent of a Woman, where Al Pacino says that when you've known Jack Daniels as long as he has, it's "John", not Jack. Which would be merely gay, if JOHN WAS OR EVER HAS BEEN SHORT FOR JACK YOU IDIOT)
9.
As a pro athlete, what would be your trademark goal celebration?
10.
Real question three:
Bears versus lions. It's a fight you'd secretly love to see. So who actually wins? (In gold rush era USA, rich guys actually used to organise these shows for betting purposes. They'd import African lions and make 'em fight local bears.)
And the tie-breaker:
Do guns look cool after the fact, e.g. because of what they do, or do we manufacture them to look cool because of what they are? Why?
Thanks for playing champs! Have a good week all round.
T-Viddy |
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