 |
 |
| |
 |
|
|
2009-11-18 |
|
|
Inna Quizza Da Vidda |
|
|
By: Tomina |
|
|
Hey rockers, how are we this fine Wednesday morn? Or more, accurately, 'arve'?
Good? Good. I'll let you in on a little secret: Mussolini had Chlamydia! Also, I'm really really tired. So this is going to be like the opposite of Hey Hey It's Saturday, e.g fast, smooth, and mildly entertaining. OK, time for last week's answers with Molly! (not really)
-The highest grossing Aussie film of all time is the 1985 classic Crocodile Dundee, starring Paul Facelift. A point to Midge, Ross and Dave there. (In case you think that Australia's highest work of cinematic art could try harder, keep in mind that the number two spot is held by the film Australia, meaning Mick Dundee is the only man standing between Australia and Australia. Or at least Baz Luuuuuuhhhhhhhrman.)
-The British royal family are banned from playing Monopoly because it makes them shitty with each other. Just like everyone else on the planet. A point to Ben and Midge.
PS- Fuck you, Monopoly. Fuck you right in the poo hole.
-In Savannah, Georgia, HYEW ESS HAY, a wrong number recently resulted in two dudes exchanging angry texts, then phone calls, then agreeing to meet in a park for a fight, then one guy shot the other guy. I don't think it was fatal. I will refrain from commenting further lest I offend the Global League of Rocket Scientists. A point to Midge, half a point to Josh, Ben and Dave.
Midge "pulls ahead" this week, then, with a handsome three points putting him one and a half points in front of nearest challengers Dave "Good, Better," Betts and Dr. Benjamin Gillies At Law. NICE WORK MIDGE. Take the Golden Wine Box home with you and try not to spill it.
In lighter news, the Esteemed Panel simply couldn't be fucked whittling the best reply down to a single, solo, solitary...one...so they instead gave a three-way nod (harder than it sounds) to this fine trio of contenders...
...Ben Gillies, for this one:
Why do humans still have pubes?
So that it is easy to distinguish between 80s and modern porn.
...Michael Midgeley, for this one:
What's the all-time worst name for a major corporation?
A- Trump (Jesus, open a window, Midge's just trumped again!)
B- Virgin (Yeah rockers! We've just been signed to NeverHadSex Records!)
C- Altria (you can run, Phillip Morris, but you can't fucking hide)
D- Other
D- FAG (http://www.chinesemol.com/member/upload/product/2834310/20076102273699583.jpg)
...& Ross, for this one:
Which euphemism for diarrohea makes the best band name?
The early 80s electro stylings of Brown Laser
Thanks for playing, poojabbers, keep up the fly rhymes and don't let the turkeys get you down. Speaking of turkeys, this week's prizes were kindly offloaded by the Ingham Coroporation.
Silver:
Olympic pool sized deep fryer. Has no real practical use. Quite disgusting now that I think about it. Funny when you're drunk though.
Gold:
Your very own 2000 litre chest freezer with glass lid, replenished weekly by the Ingham Chicken Courier Van with every possible kind of frozen pre-breaded chicken-based item imaginable. Cheesy kievs, juicy nuggets, stuffed thighs, succulent breasts, it's all there for you to defrost, eat and/or make jokes about. Vegetarians can use the freezer to watch ice cubes harden up, hopefully learning by example.
And now, Marjorie, wipe your fingers with a moist towelette and pass me the questions. For fuck's sake, they're almost bloody see through...hang on....
1.
Why the hell do ANIMALS dream? (Seriously - how Walt Disney is that? It's like a rabbit with a waistcoat on or something)
2.
Why are so many security guards porky/stout/big-boned/morbidly obese?
3.
Real question one:
According to the webcomic Achewood, what is the name of Kim Jung Il's BMX gang? (just have a guess, I'll pay the best answer)
4.
I seem to have been roped into secret santa this year. Any ideas? Or interesting anecdotes? Or jokes about secret santa? Hang on, I'll make a cup of coffee.
5.
What's officially the most effective method to get away with being racist?
6.
RIGHT. Real question two:
Which is the only country in the world to have an inscription on their flag? (Bonus point if you know what it says, ha ha)
7.
What do you plan to teach your kids about swearing?
8.
Advertising SCHMADVERTISING!
What per annum salary would you need to receive to quit your current job and become, full time...
A- the new iinet guy
B- Muffler King - King of Mufflers!
C- The Breast Cancer Awareness Fairy
A-
B-
C-
9.
And please tell me your catchphrase for the character:
A-
B-
C-
10.
Real question three:
How much did the Victorian taxpayers cough up for Tiger "The Tiger" Woods to fly to Australia, wave a metal stick at a lawn for half a day, then go home?
And the finger-lickin tie-breaker...
In the history of dating, has any heterosexual man ever scored by revealing his feminine side?
Good luck chappettes, have a fine fine week.
Tomina |
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
