 |
 |
| |
 |
|
|
2009-10-14 |
|
|
Quiz on the Water...Quiz in the Sky 14/10/9 |
|
|
By: T-Bar V |
|
|
Yo!
It's Wednesday once again, and that means the quiz is about to roundhouse kick your head off (after freezing you with liquid nitrogen) like Stallone does to Snipes at the end of Demolition Man, possibly the finest science fiction film ever to feature Denis Leary as a car-tyre-wearing morlock gang leader AND the male lead's butt cheeks IN THE OPENING CREDITS.
OK, before I spill the nitrogen, let's take a look at last week's answers...
-Kraft has abandoned plans to name its new blend of Vegemite and cream cheese iSnack2.0.
"The company said today it would go back to the drawing board and let the Australian public decide what the product should be called. WA web designer Dean Robbins, 27, briefly hit the spotlight this week when it was revealed his suggestion of iSnack2.0 would brand the new product. However, after days of derision and vitriol which subsequently poured out on social networking sites, Kraft spokesman Simon Talbot said the company had "listened to Australia" and instead would go to an opinion poll."
Obviously they should stop fucking listening to Australia, because the new name is Vegemite Cheesybite. I'd prefer Tim's "Vagemite" - it may lack bite, but it has a certain tang. Half a point to him & Ben, a full point to Dave. Welcome back Dave!
-When Herschel discovered Uranus, he originally wanted to call it...George. Yes, George. George the planet. After the King. Nice work Herschel - it can't have been easy to hit the Gay, Wrong, Unimaginative and Sycophantic buttons simultaneously. STICK TO THE SCOPE BUDDY. I'll give Dave one for "Myanus".
-KFC's prototype "Double Down" "sandwich" features 2 original recipe fillets AS BREAD, between which is layered bacon, two kinds of cheese, plus "the Colonel's Sauce." Sure it's making me hungry just talking about it, but it's really not a good look - keep in mind these are Yanks, so the cheese is Subway style, e.g. "And which cheese would you like, sir? Orange, beige or grey?" It's a little hard to measure, but I'm giving Tim and Ben 4 points each, plus 3 to Dave. Incidentally, if you'd like to look at an actual photograph of the DDS taken by non-Colonel-affiliated members of the public, try this:
http://www.avclub.com/articles/kfcs-double-down-sandwich,32804/
Or, if you'd like to hear about KFC's other recent culinary innovation, the Famous Bowl, try this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tfan5MacmsI
So it seems Dave has squeaked ahead this week by a margin narrower than the one between iSnack and Cheesybite (you don't bite it. It's a liquid.) So good work cobber, take home the Golden Pacer 300 and click its finely-tooled plastic eraser dome with pride. The Esteemed Panel of Quiz Judges (or "Epoquj") phoned it in again this week, calling the Best Reply a three-way between Ben, Tim and Dave, for the sterling group work contributed to the topic of unused Bond film girlfriend names:
- Vulvya Galorus
- Labya Nimminopus
- Pinky LaWhore
- Ivana Pumpyasenseless
- Anna Lingus
- Ogle Mammeries
- Tits McGee
- Harriette Beaver
- Cleave Land-Steamer
Nice work everyone, thanks for entering, as the bishop said to the other bishop. Righto, let's take a squiz at next week's prizes, kindly donated by the promotions team for Hey Hey It's Fucking Back On The Air Again Somehow After Ten Years Channel Nine Must Be In Serious Trouble.
Silver:
A selection of woollen jumpers that caused Dr. Cliff Huxtable to scream and claw at his own face before impaling himself on a hastily-broken broomhandle, legs twitching spasmodically in a hideous parody of one of his many cute little dances.
Gold:
The legal clearance to set on fire your choice of any three (3) of the original cast members, not counting Daryl (he's taken, sorry) or Ozzie Ostrich (will release toxic smoke).
And now, Marjorie, please put your hands together for the questions! (cue 27 seconds of cattle-prod stimulated applause, zany sound effects, spinning camera, flashing lights, loud clanging noises, John Blackman yelling indecipherable bullshit and set design that makes you want to smear your own blood across the screen to make it go away)
1.
Why didn't cameraphones catch on? We've got them, why doesn't anyone use them? Did Beyond 2000 LIE TO ME?!?
2.
Got a favourite typo? (I have. But then I WOULD, wouldn't I.)
3.
Real question one:
How did Brazillian TV journalist and politician Wallace Souza lend a certain realism to the footage of murder scenes on his true-crime TV show Canal Livre?
4.
Who has the most enormous psychological problems, and why?
A- James Bond
B- Batman
C- Marion "Cobra" Cobretti (yes, his first name was Marion)
5.
If theme parks actually had literary themes, what would yours be?
6.
Real question two:
According to Penny Arcade, the ten commandments can be handily paraphrased by Jesus into one basic rule. What is it?
7.
How long will it take women to figure out it's not a good idea dashing straight into the damn toilet after a man's just left it?
8.
What's the bigger crime against humanity...
A- 5 Indian dudes on Hey Hey dressed up in blackface,
B- Amercians giving us shit about our treatment of racial issues *ahem*Teepees*ahem*
C- Hey Hey it's Saturday getting two and a half motherfucking prime time hours a week, ten years after it was cancelled ten years too late,
D- The continued uninstitutionalised state of Daryl Somers.
E- Other
9.
For God's SAKE please invent a better alternative to the ugly lights:
10.
Real question three:
Guiness celebrated their 250th anniversary a few weeks ago. Roughly how many pints a day do they currently sell across 150 countries?
And los breaker del tie...
Start a rumour. Go on! I'll spread it quicker than your Mum, I promise.
Thanks for playing hombres. Have a safe ride back to the Weekend Ranch. Yarr!
T-Bar V |
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
