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2009-09-17 |
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If You Havin Quiz Problems I Feel Bad For You Son |
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By: T-Z |
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Alright lads, how's the week been so far?
Mine's been super, thanks for asking. Sure, there were some dicey moments, like when I flew that attack helicopter one-handed into the Iranian embassy while fingering an inebriated Lindsay Lohan and updating my facebook profile, but mostly just chillaxing at home with my two new video games "Everything in Africa Wants to Kill You" and "Everything in Africa Wants to Kill You II: The Smell of Taint".
But enough Cole Porter from this cat, cos it's time to take a lingering look at last week's questions...
-According to a surevy on gift site adrenalin.com, Australia's favourite euphemism for underpants is Reg Grundies, with bog catchers and budgie smugglers a close second and third. I'll give Tim, Ben and Ross a point each for being damn close.
-The sniper record is currently held by Canadian Corporal Rob Furlong, who, in Afghanistan, killed a Taliban fighter at a distance of 2450m. Ben gets a point for being closest.
-Which action movie star is about to appear on our screens in a reality TV show which features him as an ACTUAL REAL OFFICER OF THE LAW with the Jefferson Parish Sherriff's Office in Louisiana? That would be Steven "And Then I Threw Him Down A Lift Shaft" Seagal, in the soon-to-be-spectacular TV spectacular "Steven Seagal: Lawman". Another point to Ben there.
I also giving Tim a bonus point for attaching a photo of a large-breasted mannequin that he snapped on holiday, but sadly had to then deduct a point on the basis of a New Quiz Rule, viz: From now on I will be deducting a point for the answer "meh," "bah," ETC. I will happiliy accept a blank space, "pass", "that question is completely retarded for the following reasons, which I have itemised and sent to your lawyers" or "Fuck yoRe gay Tomm," but if you really need to express contemptuous disdain, why not try looking down your nose at your Mum? She's usually in the right position.
OK, Ben takes first place with a convincing lead, and thus the Golden Conan The Barbarian Director's Cut DVD goes to him this week. Enjoy seeing your enemy driven before you, sir. The Esteemed Panel were up against the wall this week (just a regulation concealed weapons pat-down) but once they'd been released on bail decided to give the Best Reply nod to Ross Vaughan, for this one:
What was Margaret's review after you boned her?
"I was on the edge of my seat. Getting boned."
Thanks to everyone for playing once again; now let's take a quick squiz at the prizes before the majesty of the questioning sends us all into a state of reverential awe. Shall we?
Silver:
A sterling silver hip-flask, just like those other three you got on your 21st, and used once (on your 21st). Ideal for the alcoholic who's always on the go, likes all his drinks at body temperature and sucked through a small hole in a metal flask which is almost impossible to surreptitiously drink out of. Do you ever suspect people just used to sink a lot more piss?
Gold:
A golden ticket! Dance around your hovel with joy, cos it's time to visit a frankly disturbing old man inside a factory which hasn't seen an OHS inspector since the last guy fell into a river of molten sugar. Which is basically napalm. Watch your step, and keep an eye on those midgets.
And now, Marjorie, the questions, if you please. Oompa loompa, boompety boomp...
1.
Just out of interest, why am I incapable of using a fucking pen without getting 20-cent coin sized ink blotches all over my hands and clothes?
2.
What's the stupidest question you've ever been asked at work? (excluding this quiz, obviously, or we'll be here all bloody day.) A bonus point if you can beat "Are you here today?"
3.
Real question one:
Where did the idea of the black belt being the hardcore belt come from?
4.
Which advertising slogan best describes your love life?
5.
High school fashion! Which did you have...
A- Silkies
B- Snap pants
C- Happy pants
D- Japara
E- Reebok pumps
F- Bike shorts
G- Stussy ensemble
H- Other
6.
Real question two:
In the album version of the Dire Straits song "Money For Nothing," how many times does Mark Knopfler use the word "faggot"?
7.
What's the weirdest outfit you've seen in public recently? (Yesterday I saw a guy at the traino in a red hoodie, sunglasses, footy shorts, a flouro safety vest, gumboots, long yellow socks, and a knee brace on a skateboard. With an eski.)
8.
You know what else is "organic'? The plague. And asbestos. And my balls.
9.
In reality, how would the following fictional studmuffins do with the ladies?
A- Arthur Fonzarelli AKA The Fonz
B- Charlie Sheen's character from America's favourite sitcom Two And A Half Men
C- Shooter McGavin
A-
B-
C-
10.
Real question three:
As of 2009, what percentage of the world arms market is run by the US?
And the tie-breaker...
Do you ever worry that, if you went to Disneyland, you would assault the staff while yelling "WHAT KIND OF MICKEY MOUSE OPERATION IS THIS?"
Thanks chaps! Have a good'n!
Tom |
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