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2009-09-09 |
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Quiz Is What I Got For You (9/9/9) |
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By: Tom Vaughan-Busey Jr |
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Hi there!
Looks like Wednesday, doesn't it? A sure-fire cue for humpday hilarity, now with the added bonus of the September Rule, e.g. as soon as you hear the first mention of Christmas, time passes at 140% normal speed until it's the 24th of December and you're still thinking you should probably get round to buying some presents. On the other hand, the September Rule does make the holidays arrive faster, so good work September. I forgive you for containing the Worst Disaster Ever To Happen To Any Civilization Ever, Western World Edition, Book 1: North America, Chapter 17 (1980-2000). Alrighty, before the satire gets TOO inspiring, let's have a look at last week's answers, shall we?
-Right now, the public service in Utah is trialling the MOTHERFUCKING FOUR DAY WEEK. Yes, what some (well me, mainly) have been describing as "the saviour of Western civilisation" for some time now is, at last, being tested out by the seppos. Here's the deal - you work four ten hour days. Getting up early 4 times a week = a whole day off. You get the same amount of money for the same amount of hours, and the planet gets a 20% reduction in peak hour traffic pollution. On top of that, perhaps we can finally, FINALLY come to terms with the fact that we're not on a level playing field with countries that can legally pay warehouses full of teenagers an apple a day to sew tax-free gruds for Target, so how about we chill the fuck out and actually take advantage of being the First World for a bit?
That's a point each for Ben & Tim, plus a bonus point each for sounding supportive.
-According to Top Gear, when you switch the traction control on in an Australian car, a recording of a bloke with an Aussie accent starts saying things like "Bums to the walls lads, a Pom's on board!" No points. Look, I was in a hurry, OK?
-In the popular stage musical "AIDS", featured in the film 'Team America World Police', approximately 100% of the characters have AIDS, as demonstrated in the following lyrics:
"And so this is the end of our story
And everyone is dead from AIDS
It took from me my best friend
My only true pal
My only bright star (he died of AIDS)
Well I'm gonna march on Washington,
Lead the fight and charge the barricades
There's a hero inside of all of us
I'll make them see...everyone has AIDS!
My father (AIDS!)
My sister (AIDS!)
My uncle and my cousin and her best friend (AIDS AIDS AIDS!)
The gays and the straights
And the whites and the spades
Everyone has AIDS!
My grandma and my dog 'ol blue (AIDS AIDS AIDS)
The Pope has got it and so do you (AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS)
C'mon everybody we got quilting to do (AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS)
We gotta break down these barricades,
everyone has AIDS! x 20
I'll give Ben a point for being closest, but he was only fifty percent of the way there, which leads me to worry that there are still people out there who do not yet realise they definitely have AIDS. A worrying thought.
Anyway, that makes Ben the winner this week, so good work champ - enjoy the Golden Nestle Heart Attack Showbag in the privacy of your own bathroom. The Esteemed Panel decided to call it a tie this week, thanks to some quality work from both entrants, as we see from the question...
-Is the world ready for Powermoot (my patented vagina-flavoured alcoholic energy drink) yet?
(Tim)
Jesus christ Tom. Oh what the hell, BRING IT!
(Ben)
Well it will have some stiff competition from my Twatergizer.
Good work chaps, (Hmm. Wish I could've stuck with my original idea, "Cordial N Salt"...if only the Gatorade Scientific Science Institute of Science hadn't already patented the recipe!) Oh well, time for a quick look at this week's prizes...
Silver:
The ACME Novelty Kit! Contains rocket skates, spring-loaded boxing glove and ten sticks of real dynamite!
Gold:
The ACME Novelty Kit- Professional edition. Contains giant flying skyrocket (ridable), giant catapult, magic wall paint (create realistic 3D holes in any surface!) and dynamite sticks, 50, highly explosive.
And now, Marjorie, the questions if you wouldn't mind...
1.
OK, hit me with something nobody else remembers or believes you about (I will vote for Rolf Harris barbecue chickens and 80s Canadian TV extravaganza 'The Adventures of Beans Baxter')
2.
When was the last time it struck you how astonishingly dangerous one small mouthful of words can be?
3.
Real question one:
According to a survey on gift site Adrenalin.com, what is Australia's favourite euphemism for men's underpants?
4.
Should shop mannequins be, like, really really hot? Like Selma Hayek hot?
5.
Please complete the following sentence...
"Darling, despite your uncanny resemblance to a shop window mannequin shaped like Selma Hayek, I'm afraid that if you can't enjoy___________________then we simply have no future together."
6.
Real question two:
What is the current sniping distance record for a confirmed kill?
7.
Please describe the habits and leadership style of the first world leader from our generation...
8.
What was Margaret's review after you boned her?
9.
Speaking of Margaret, what are the top 3 things about getting really old?
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10.
Real question three, "FUCKING FUCK YEAH" edition:
Which action movie star is about to appear on our screens in a reality TV show, featuring him doing six months work as an ACTUAL REAL OFFICER OF THE LAW with the Jefferson Parish Sherriff's Office in Louisiana?
And the tie breaker:
Is dignity worth bothering about? Why/why not?
Have a good week duders, and remember, if you see Gary Busey in the dumpster behind Maccas, sling him a five. Don't get too close though, obviously.
Tom Vaughan-Busey Jr |
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